I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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