just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
too bad you live with your parents still
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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