No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
