No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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