U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
