Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
worst night to have a conscience
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
