u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
