If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
