nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
