I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
