I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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