It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
