I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
