508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
