I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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