So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
