he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
