they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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