apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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