Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
