It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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