Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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