Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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