the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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