he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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