That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
