I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
from now on my penis is your penis
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
