My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
