oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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