omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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