Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
