Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
