My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
