Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
