I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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