I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
