How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
