C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
