You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
