My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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