He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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