He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
