just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
