Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
