I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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