that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
