i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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