Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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