The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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