do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
