As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
