How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
