Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
